I Did

Were it not for an imminent adventure in Scandinavia my life would be feeling a bit empty at the moment.  The wedding of my two best friends has passed meaning I am no longer in full-on bridesmaid stress mode.  There is no more worry my dress will not fit, that I will mysteriously get ill and faint as I walk down the aisle, etc, etc.  No horrors occurred, the big day was beautiful and perfect and it didn't even rain or anything.  

As this blog testifies, my biggest fear regarding my duties was the speech I was asked to give.  Seeing as I banged on about it so much here, on Twitter and even in real-life to people’s faces I’ve copied it below for the whole world to admire…

Hello everyone.  Hope you’re all having a lovely day so far and that what I say in the next few minutes doesn’t ruin it.

I’m Samantha, Chief Bridesmaid.  Best friend of Morag from primary school and good friend of Kevin’s since uni.  Which means I’m in a very rare, very privileged position of knowing them both so well that I could fill a good hour with embarrassing stories about both the bride and groom. 

I am the reason Morag and Kev met, if I hadn’t invited Morag to Kev’s flat warming party four years ago we may all be doing something else today.  The fact that I know two such lovely, funny, and today now they’ve scrubbed up, attractive people speaks volumes about what a great judge of character I am. 

They are the only couple I have ever played a part in their getting together.  So if you’re single and looking for love if you come and see me after the meal we’ll discuss a fee and I’ll try and find you your own husband or wife.

As I said, I’ve known Morag since primary school, since we were both five.  I don’t remember the specific moment we became friends but I do remember lots about our adventures.

For instance when we were wee one of Morag’s favourite games was pretending to be a teacher, a game she still insists on playing to this very day. 

When we were growing up, our conversations about potential husbands never really went past members of Boyzone or Take That.  Little did we know that one day she would become Mrs Argue.  Married to the sort of domesticated soul that I once watched spend an hour lovingly prepare a dinner that was immediately trumped by the arrival of a Vienetta for dessert.

As me and Morag have got older we’ve remained close.  We’ve been on holidays together to Greece, Bulgaria, Oslo.  Norway’s not the only Scandinavian country that we are fans of, many a Saturday night has been spent on what we imaginatively named Sweden night.  This is a very complicated process.  It involves us going to Ikea, buying a lot of food and pear cider and then watching trashy telly while consuming it all and it’s a ritual I’ve really missed since I moved away.

Because I’m in London now I’ve missed lots of nights out with Mo and keeping in touch with her extended group of friends so it was really nice to see everyone who came to the Moragulous hen do.  Thank you to everyone who came and made it such a great night.  An extra special thank you to anyone who sent me pictures for Play Your Kevs Right and an extra extra special thank you if you sent me pictures of the hen when I emailed asking for those.  I’ve used them to get this photo album made, which is for you Mo.  Along with your new found cocktail making skills, it’s a little momento of the evening.

When I first moved down to England, Mo and Kev joined me for my first New Year away from home.  They had only been going out three or four months and as we sat in a pub on Hogmanay both of them were talking about how they were going to get married, going to buy a house, how many children they wanted, when they wanted them.  When I asked Kev how he could be so sure that he and Morag were going to end up doing all those things he said “when you know, you know”. 

Although he did recently tell me that he was looking forward to married life as then he’d become Morag’s problem for life, so he’s not always so romantic. 

I’m so pleased that the plans you both set out that night three and a half years ago are turning into reality and that two of my best friends have made one another so happy...

The speech ended with a toast and then obviously, rapturous applause (at least in my head it did anyway).  

I Do (At Least I’ll Try)

Later this month my two best friends are getting married.  The bride I have known since I was four, the groom since I started university.  As I know them both so well, I have the honour of being chief bridesmaid.  Now obviously I am delighted by this.  I’ve never been a bridesmaid, I like wearing dresses and I get a little slither of the spotlight.  However this privilege comes with one condition - that I give a speech at the reception.

While I admire the bride for asking that the voice of a female cohort is heard in amongst men telling bawdy stories, as it is me that will be speaking, I’m finding it all a little stressful.

Maid of honour speeches, if Google is correct, appear to be pretty common in America.  Here in the UK, not so.  Unlike a best man, I don’t have lots of friends who have also been in the same position and can tell me what did and did not work for them.  And as I’m not expecting my audience to be expecting a bridesmaid to speak will they think that I’m just a very pushy lady who loves the sound of her own voice?

The actual writing, while tricky to know what to include, I am capable enough to do.  I’m sure I’ll be able to get a few laughs, I’ve always made up for my lack of faith in my face with my ability to make jokes.  What I’m struggling to imagine is the public speaking whilst trying to emote. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very emotional person.  I cry regularly, primarily at terribly trashy television shows and sad adverts (the one for lottery funding where the mother watches her daughter live her dream is making me well up just at the memory).  My family are touchy feely in the very best sense of the term and we all tell each other we love one another every time we speak.  Yet the idea of standing in front of a room of people that I know well and telling them how I feel about the occasion is impossible for me to fathom.  This is probably a sign I’ve been in England too long and my ability to express my feelings is being repressed by association.

So while I use this blog as a distraction from writing the actual speech I can’t imagine giving, I think there is one important lesson for us all to learn.  The only couple I have ever played a part in the setting up of are getting married.  If you want a match made I will charge a very competitive fee to find you a partner for life – I do have a 100% success rate.